- You own a car shop and you drive this?
- Hey, don’t insult Roscoe! Besides, I am not compensating for a small dick.
- You think my dick is small?
- Judging by your flashy muscle car…
- How about you judge it based on what’s actually inside my underwear?
Sterek AU: There are exactly two cars shops in Beacon Hills. One belongs to Derek Hale, the other to Stiles Stilinski. They hate each other.
- You’re saying you have some sort of… Werewolf Jail?
- Something like that…
Featuring Scott McCake, Stile Szarlotka, Allison Abricot, Lydia Meringue, and Derek Sour Grapes :D
Shout out to bluefjords who got to pick the colour of Stiles’ papillon :)
I should really stop with the 80’s cartoon!AUs /o\
Stiles becomes a sheriff just like his dadddd
Some FBI Agent Stilinski (in the woods) before tonight’s freak out.
"you know what’s funny? you sound just like a cop"
in which after high school allison joins police academy and works at the police station for the sheriff, and soon after she gets promoted to his deputy and they become such great partners that they even call each other by their last names (✿◠‿◠)
au where everything is the same except derek keeps buttcalling stiles
FUCK MY LIFE BUT OKAY LISTEN
Stiles makes it big.
He starts this youtube channel in his freshman year of college where he vlogs about the history of circumcision and his favorite practical jokes and the shenanigans he gets up to with his BFF [edited for supernatural deets, obvs].
And it blows the fuck up. He gets invited to vidcon and does co-videos with all the big youtube celebrities and it’s really weird. Because he’s just being himself and yeah, the pack values and needs him and he knows Scott loves the fuck out of him, so it’s not like he’s laboring under the impression that he’s not a WORTHWHILE HUMAN BEING.
But it’s weird because all these people who like his video and follow his account didn’t GROW UP WITH HIM, they haven’t forged bonds solidified and tested through several life-or-death situations. They just.. like him. And being well-liked is not something he ever really had going for him in high school.
So yeah, it feels really good and he starts getting these offers from real studios and creative teams. One thing leads to another and… well, he ends up quitting college halfway through his second year and takes a position as a writing assistant for this quirky fantasy comedy (think Community meets Buffy or something).
And pretty soon he’s writing actual episodes of things and the show is this huge success and he still makes youtube videos and tweets and tumbls and oh yeah… helps out his best friend’s pack when intense, whacky drama happens.
Which, one of those times happens when he’s at freaking COMIC*CON and he’s just finished his panel and is talking to some fans when DEREK shows up out of nowhere with a badge around his neck (because it’s the only way he could get in) and a scowl on his face and is like “WE NEED TO GO HOME.”
And of course he GOES because Scott! and the Pack! and Derek wouldn’t be caught dead in huge crowd of loud strangers unless it was a real emergency. And it turns out to be this scary/hilarious run in with some wereCHEETAHS, of all fucking things, and they handle it and stuff.
But when Stiles gets back to LA and actually has time to check his social media, it has EXPLODED with pictures of Derek holding his hand as he drags him out of the con and speculation about if he’s secretly gay (he’s not secretly gay, he’s not secretly ANYTHING, he’s bi and he’s never tried to hide it since he came out his senior year of HS, thanks) and oh god then he realizes that EVERYONE THINKS DEREK IS HIS BOYFRIEND.
Which is both flattering and terrifying. He really hopes Derek doesn’t find out. THIS COULD BE SO AWKWARD.
AMBER I LUV U
TEEN WOLF AU: Resident Evil
Cora and Derek as badass zombie hunters. That’s it, that’s the story.
I feel like it’s been too long since we had a good ol’ Truth Spell AU. Where it’s like, unwarranted confessions. Telling people stuff they probably don’t even want to know.
The shit Derek could come out with.
"Sometimes I eat a whole chocolate cake for dinner because I know I won’t get fat and both my parents are dead so can’t yell at me for it."
"I got so mad when Scott said I wasn’t his alpha that I took the shoelaces out of all of his left sneakers and he thought it was the neighbours’ cat."
"When I was twelve I accidentally made out with my cousin at a family reunion and my sister took a picture and used it as blackmail for the next seven years. I still don’t know what happened to that photo."
"At one point I got so lonely I started wolfing out and making friends with stray dogs but someone called the cops because they saw a naked guy in the preserve."
"The twins are stupid and mean and when they’re really far away I pretend to squish their heads between my thumb and forefinger. It’s really satisfying."
"The last nightmare I had was about Lydia giving me a makeover."
"Stiles really likes it when I pretend to be Bruce Wayne, and he’s The Joker there to tie me up and ‘pillage my goods’. I’m not really into doing it as much as he seems to be, but he lets me do him up against my big window and gives amazing head after."
And Stiles found it hilarious until the last one, then he’s like, “Oh my god make him stop!”
And Isaac is like, ”Never!”
teen wolf meme: nine aus [3/9] → teen wolf as hercules
#alternate universe derek hale #didn’t kill his first love didn’t lose his family #never got used by people who just wanted to hurt him #great big sarcastic goofball who can be kind of a dudebro but is mostly harmless #meets the Sheriff’s kid when his car breaks down and Stiles offers to drive him home #Deputy Laura pulls them over when she spots Derek in the Jeep #but Derek just pulls faces at her until she lets them go#after all he knows Laura lets the Sheriff eat donuts twice a week and he’s not afraid to use that info against her
Nothing is probably accurate in this.
- The Argents to be very high on the food chain and nobody ever questions them.
- Stiles and Lydia were engaged when they were very small but then Jackson came into the picture but they are still superb friends and Stiles is still planning a way to get Lydia to marry him instead of Jackson.
- Derek was ordered to keep his life and entertain the masses as a gladiator. ( Coach is the gladiator trainer lol joking)
- Laura and Cora are at Peter’s and know nothing yet. (because I like it when characters are alive)
I blame everything on this lovely photoset and this magical amv where Lydia’s necklace is from.
DO I NEED TO WRITE TO GET YOU TO DRAW GLADIATOR DEREK? CAUSE HERE I GO.
"Who do you keep looking up to?" asked Isaac, his curls already peeking beneath his helmet. Without seeing the youth in battle it would be hard to believe he was a vicious fighter, already the victor of several battles. It didn’t help him combat the accusation that he had murdered his father, though Isaac still firmly held that he was innocent of such a claim.
"Nothing," Derek answered quietly, strapping his gauntlet tighter. As a formal noble he was better suited for dressing himself in armor than most the men around him, but that didn’t mean the scraps they received fit him any better.
Isaac peered upwards to the balcony full of nobles. “Lady Martin, I wonder?” He chuckled dryly. “I served her at the Whittemore house. Not one to be bedding gladiators at a whim, not if her gaze towards Young Lord Jackson had anything to say.” He glanced back to Derek, as if to confirm his suspicions.
"I know a venomous woman when I see one," was all Derek muttered back.
"Ah, so perhaps her companion?" Isaac looked once more. "Young Lord Stilinski, I believe. Can’t quite remember his first name… Though I remember Lady Martin calling him Stiles."
Obviously a shortening of his family name, Derek thought to himself, gazing up once more to the youth. The boy could be no more than sixteen summers, with an upturned nose and moles that dotted his face. The sun burned brilliantly behind him, giving highlights to his closely cut hair and turning his brown eyes amber.
It set memories blazing in Derek’s mind, of a fortune teller with sad eyes who told him of destiny and greatness. That he would one day meet a child of Apollo, and give them the glory of an empire. He had, only a few months ago, believed that to be Kate. Kate with her golden locks and prideful eyes, who had all the greatness of a God and all the terrible wrath of one.
He looked away from the sunlit boy and back to the arena. Today he wouldn’t simply flash his wolf eyes and scare away a few animals. Today he would kill a man, staining his hands ever deeper with the crimson of death, his blue eyes shining with the innocents killed.
Today he was a gladiator, and today he would not die.
I WAS DRAWING JUST NEEDED REFS AND I WAS IN TROUBLE WITH STILES PENDANT BUT YOU GAVE ME APOLLO AND … ( Sorry no Isaac art so quickly but I got to say ISAAACCCCCC I love you so much for putting Isaac in so perfectly wah! )
Derek can feel someone’s watching him…..
Oh look it’s Stiles! :D
So after the game…
(that thing wishes to be a lute)
((Oh ho ho, my master plan worked
but not really cause you were drawing it anyway=w=))
((Another snippet for such lovely art? Yes, I think so…))
"My, my, my," said Lydia as she began to pluck the purple flowers from her hair delicately, one by one. "That certainly is a way to capture Gladiator Hale’s attention. Though I’m not sure what your father will say to throwing away your birthday present to a mere fighter…"
Stiles waved a flippant hand. “That trinket? My father said that it would give me Apollo’s grace. I’m sure Hale needs the Gods’ favor far more than I.”
"Oh? And shall the gladiator receive a young lord’s favor as well?" Lydia scrunched her nose with a wicked smile. "A token of affection seems awfully bold of even you, Stiles. You should have seen the look on Emperor Argent’s face. The old man looked like he was about to pop a vein…" She offered Stiles her hand.
"He would do his oh-so-loyal subjects quite the favor if he did." Stiles took the offered hand, giving her a slight bow. "And why should he care who I take into my bed chambers? I may pay for the pleasure of Hale’s company, same as any other noble."
"Why Stiles, such brash words said in front of such a refined lady as myself," Lydia answered with a smirk as she stood. "With such talk as that you’ll only double your father’s efforts for us to be betrothed, and for me to make a proper lord of you."
Stiles kissed her hand and grinned up to her. “I believe we both know that would never happen, should we be interested in wedding at all. Now is not Lord Jackson expecting to see you within this hour? Speaking of bed chambers, and the dealings within them.”
Lydia tutted as she yanked her hand free, a pretend pout gracing her lips. “Why Stiles, you know I am simply spending the night within Lady Allison’s household.”
"Yes, and Lady Allison is simply spending the night within your household. Accompanied by the faithful soldier Scott, there for her every whim." He gave a cheeky wink. "Hopefully I’ll be having such a faithful soldier of my own soon."
((Oh my god I’m sorry if you had different plans for Scott x Allison but I just went with the whole soldier falls in love with his kick ass lady and I had to run with it >w<))
((Another short snippet for Derek too!))
"The young lord seems to favor you," noted Isaac dryly, washing hot blood off his chest. Derek had been glad that they had never been ordered to fight against each other. The young man’s lithe body and quick moves gave him an advantage to those of greater bulk.
Derek simply allowed the chain of the necklace to slip through his fingers as he passed it from one hand to the other. It was gold and soft, and the pendent was no larger than a coin, with the carving of lute within it. Apollo’s symbol.
Were the gods trying to tell him something?
"Will you be accepting his offer, should he try to buy you for a night?" asked Isaac, leaning cockily against the wall. "If he likes you enough he may buy you. Far better to be a young noble’s plaything than risk your life for a crowd’s amusement, if you ask me."
"And haven’t you had such offers?" asked Derek.
Isaac simply shrugged. “Old politicians all. No, it would take the princess herself to woo me into a bed.” His eyes narrowed “But you kept looking at the lordling, didn’t you? Perhaps his bedchamber is exactly where you wish to be.”
Derek didn’t answer. He couldn’t deny the truth that Lord Stiles’ bed seemed very welcoming, whether the gods led him to it or not.
*brain damaged from all the perfectness given to her* Scott and Allison oh perfect perfect. I love it. the conversation between Stiles and Lydia is very amusing and just lovely as well! >D Muhauhahahaha Not to mention Derek and Isaac…. Love it. I’m so sold! Your plan worked!
This escalated quickly I must say! Muhuhahahaha
I’ll update tomorrow. got to sleep now. It was worth staying up for so long! Thank you! <3
ah good good~ now i don’t have to write this = v= /sits back and enjoys
OH MY GOD I AM CRYING ACTUAL TEARS OF JOY THIS IS THE MOST AMAZING THING I’VE EVER SEEEEEEEEN AND FINALLY FULFILLS MORE THAN A YEAR OF YEARNING FOR GLADIATOR!DEREK
rtylering asked;Laura returns from the dead and sees that Cora is actually alive.